I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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