i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
