I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
