you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You made out with two different species that night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
