is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
