never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you win again, gameday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
