Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
