The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
