I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
