yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I want to fling myself into the sun
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
