You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
