I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
