well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
