At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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