one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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