I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
