My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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