I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
