...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
