My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
