I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Naked. naked and bneed help.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
