You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
