Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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