Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
