Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my moral compass just broke
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
