god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
