He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Enjoy the penises
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
