And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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