so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
