I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
