chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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