If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
