I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
