Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
