I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
