you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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