I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
