the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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