Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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