You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
