I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
