Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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