I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
