I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
