He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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