Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
