I haven't been this sober since birth.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
