my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
