It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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