You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
