i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
